Cheese On a Plane!

Yes, I admit it. I was terribly curious to check out the odd-internet-fascination-of-the-moment, SNAKES ON A PLANE. Having an appreciation of B-movie cheese, how could I NOT see the movie? I knew it was going to be bad. And it was—in a good way. I wouldn't have normally cared for a movie such as SNAKES but since it had Samuel L. Jackson in it—knowing full well that this was going to be an over-the-top action/thriller—heck yeah, I had to see it! And on opening weekend, no less. Oh, and for a midnight showing, too. I wasn't playing around.

It was a pretty good crowd, with some cheering after Samuel belted out his now-famous "Enough is enough! I have had it with these [MF] snakes on this [MF] plane!" It was somewhat forced in the film, if you ask me, but since it was shot later and added into the film after one of the many fan-based parody trailers and films had Samuel's character saying it (obviously a send-up of his on-screen persona in past films, particularly Quentin's), it was still hilarious to hear him say it.

The film to me was basically what we call in the broadcast/commercial industry a "doughnut," meaning, the parts in the beginning and end are vastly different from the middle. In commercials, it's the mundane section near the end, blathering about getting no interest until 2007, etc. Except in the case for SNAKES, the middle was the good part. The beginning story setting up the titular 2nd act was a dud, and the end was kind of a letdown. In fact, we never see what happens to the Bad Guy at the end. But to quibble over story details on a movie like this is like complaining about baby poop when you're a father—you know it's going to be bad, but you can't do anything about it. So why bother. You're just there for the ride.

And it was a fun ride. Do yourself a favor and check your brain at the door—it's not going to be needed during the hour and a half spent in the theater while you watch this movie. Goofy and gross, oddball antics coupled with oh-so-convenient fast-acting computer generated snakes hopped up on pheromones, this movie will satisfy the cheese factor lying dormant inside you. I know it's there, I can feel it. You've got your stereotypical characters present on the plane: the effeminate male flight attendent (funny running gag about him having a "girlfriend"), the rap star and his entourage, the two young boys who are winging it, sans parents for the first time, the newlyweds, the over-sexed youngsters, the mother with child. In fact, I was going to deem this film fodder for good if that baby bit the dust. At one point, one snake has the little one and mother in its sight, ready to strike, and I overhear one of the 20-something dudes sitting behind me say, "Do IT!" Sorry, can't be on the same level as that, my dear, jokester friend. Just wait until you have one of your own and see if you say the same thing. Anyways....

If you go see SNAKES, notice that the first two victims are guilty of the number 1 rule in horror films: no sex or drugs, or else you're a goner. So obvious, it's great. And that's why I liked this goofy film: it knows how obsurd and stoopid it is, but it doesn't care. The filmmakers know they aren't going for Oscars—they just want us to enjoy the ride. Well, I certainly did.

Oh, and one other odd thing...during the credits they play what has to be a first for me: an actual music video playing during the credit roll! It was an odd sight, but again, one that I couldn't take my eyes off of.

Funny Six Degrees of Separation for me regarding this film: I'm married to Andrea, who went to school in Cincinnati with Todd Louiso, who plays Dr. Stephen Price in SNAKES ON A PLANE. They were in the same class together. Crazy small world! For the record, Andrea has had no intention of ever seeing this movie. No interest at all. But that hasn't stopped us from using the title as a new phrase around the house—as in, "Don't go out there, honey, it's all 'snakes on a plane' out there."